My miracle arrives (Birth story, too much information!!)

When we got there they told us they would organise the paeds to speak to us again and then start. I was thankful that they took hours as I just was not ready. Not that I would ever be. We talked to the paeds about what to expect when bub was born in terms of what would the room be doing. How many people, what noises etc. I did not want to be stressing that there were suddenly 10 people in the room and think that meant it was all going wrong. I asked if we should expect a scream (No) and how soon he would be whisked out of the room. I told anyone who would listen that I wanted an epidual ASAP as although I had a good labour with Brooklyn, it was only due to the epidural. The induction made me vomit between every 2 or 3 contractions and I did not want to add that to the stress. The anaesitist (sp?) refused to do it as my infection meant the risks were too high. Obviously I didn't want one either once he said that, but we agreed if my temp came down for a significant time, the antibiotics were woorking and I could have one. I felt as ready as ever and told the midwife to get things going.

About 5 the drip was started. At 7 we watched Home and Away...then Highway Patrol until we realised we were missing Top Gear. I am sure the midwife thought we were nuts. I just needed to pretend this was a regular night in hospital. At 8.30 she said "Well, nothings happened yet so I think you should not be expecting this bub tonight, this is going to take a while" 10 minutes later the TV was off and by 9pm I asked if we could now call it Established Labour. I went from nothing but slight tightenings to 2 minute contractions within that 30 minutes. I lay on the bed for the first 20 or so then whilst up for a toilet break, I found I much prefered standing. They were now a minute apart at 9.30pm. Standing became rocking, with DH pushing against my lower back. I was pretty happy with how it was all going and with a temp of 38.3 the epi was not an option anyway... little did I know what was about to come and how silly I had been to think I may still ask for one later in the night/ morning. After about 10 more minutes standing, I was over it. "Can I get swiss ball?" and I started rocking over that. I think it was only about 5 contractions on the ball at 30 second intervals until I said "Bucket!! I am going to be sick" and I was - In a voice I wouldn't recognise I said "There is something there" and threw up again The midwifed yelled at Geoff to hit the call button and told me there was a leg out. I tried not to vomit again as I knew it was forcing him out but I had to one more time. By then the 8 docs were in the room and telling me I needed to roll to my back. I refused. I wanted to, I just could not bring myself to move. They let me stay for a few more minutes but then said I HAD to get to the bed. Geoff and a doc pretty much picked me up and I somehow got to the edge of the bed. I had been and continued making my wild animal noises. I was insanely loud... but even at the time I was thinking "why are you making these sounds and what's with the volume... this is really not so bad" Next thing I know, I am shaking uncontrollably, not shivering, I mean full on almost Grand Mal seizure type shaking and listening to the machine that was ventilating my son. It was 10.15pm... less than 2 hours ago, I had been watching Jay Leno race around an airport runway. The shaking lasted a good 15 minutes. Geoff says he has never seen anything like it. They covered me in 2 warmed blankets but I just couldn't stop. I could see him flicking glances to where the docs were and then he got to go over and cut the cord... he came back looking so bewildered I wasn't sure what to think. I could tell he was absolutely overjoyed but petrified at the same time ... trying to contain his happiness incase it all went pear shaped, without looking like that's what he was doing . Nico got wheeled over and I saw this perfectly formed but tiny human with deep dark red skin. He was 710 grams, 32 cm. That crazy feeling of instant love washed over me for the 2nd time and I just got this sense that all was going to work out. I don't know what that means, but I know we will get there and life will be 'normal' again one day. All I can do is hope and pray that 'normal' means Mum and Dad watching their 2 kids playing at the park, taking holidays, fighting, performing skits to the family, making a mess...

The awful lead up to my marvelous Miracle

At midnight I call Geoff and tell him. His voice broke in disbelief "Ooh you are kidding?" and he made the journey in to the hospital. The doc did a scan a few hours later and the news was a bit better. I was not as dilated s he thought as my waters were 'bulging' and made an hourglass shape so in the spec exam, he was not actually seeing my cervix like he thought. Doc advised it would still be a while, days... maybe a week. Geoff slept in a bean bag next to me in the labour ward 'holding room' that night and I was moved to the ward the next day. They put me in a room with 3 new mothers. It was my lowest day and I had a hissy fit at every midwife who walked past me to get me the hell out of that room as it was just not fair. One told me it was just the way public hospitals were. Another asked if I was bothered by the noise. Did they not know what I had just been told and could they not imagine what it was like hearing all the congratulations when you think you have to prepare yourself for the death of a soon to be born child? I didn't get moved for 24 hours and I knew it wasn't their fault. I just wanted something to be angry about and I knew I had a legitimate reason there so I took advantage of it to release all I was feeling. (You can't just have a meltdown coz you're going into super prem labour you know! ) I called my Mum and Dad and they were on the next flight over from NZ, just 2 weeks after leaving. The paed's came and talked to us about stats and outcomes which was really good. The stats and outcomes were crappy, but at least we felt informed. The doctors told us that before 26 weeks, it is our choice whether they resuss the baby. We told them we were in the middle of the continuum - if the doctors believed he had a chance, they were to do what they could. If not, we did not want to prolong his pain. We started feeling more positive and all the docs were talking like I could still go for weeks as long as I got no infection. All was rosy again and in my new ward room, the waiting game began again. I had had my 2 steriod injections to help his lungs. They hurt like nothing else but I would have done it every day for months if I had to. It felt like someone took a big stick, jabbed it at your thigh then dragged it slowly down your leg. Dad had to go back on Sunday but Mum stayed and I told her when I got to 25 wks she could leave as I would no longer be so scared. The next day I was told I had a temperature and my heart rate was 100+ About 1pm Mum, MIL and my little princess were visiting when the docs came round. "You have an infection and we need to get the baby out" I felt fine - "Ummm... like... when?" "We are just calling labour ward to see if there is space" Stupid frigging roller coaster started again, I thought and all 3 of us started bawling. I called husband and by the time he got there, labour ward had called to advise that it was all systems go. 24 weeks exactly. The day I thought I was going to be starting work again!

Hospital... bedrest... surely you are exaggerating?

Later that evening, the tertiary hospital called. I was to be admitted tomorow morning and should pack a bag as I would be there at least a few days. I told my huysband and my folks then got on the net and researched. I read about the stitches they can do and prepped myself. In hospital I am told that the stitches are probably not the best option for me, I should just be on bedrest in the hospital... until delivery!! I thought it sounded very dramatic and explained that we had no-one to look after Brooklyn so they had to be sure. They had a scan booked for the Thursday so we would know more then. "Great... 4 days in hospital" Scan showed I was not all that short after all but I was now 1.5cm dilated. Different diagnosis, same outcome, same treatment. I had to stay. We would have to get the mother in law over from NZ for 2 or 3 months as mine couldn't take that kind of time away from her business or my dad. MIL doesn't drive, I made a big fuss about how I would not get to see my daughter etc and though it was what was going through my mind, I was more wanting to see if they were really so adament it was needed. We agreed I would stay til 24 weeks, have another scan and if nothing changed I could go home for the remaining bedrest and Geoff's mum would be Brooklyn's carer. I moved to "Medihotel", a ward where you don't get harassed by nurses, have your own room and generally look after yourself but have support if required. I was allowed to go to the bathroom and get food/drink etc but that's all. It was ok, I was bored out of my mind but that was ok. I just focussed on getting my next scan so I could go home. I rang work and said I would be back in a few weeks as I work from home and could do it from bed. After a week I noticed a bit of blood, just a speck. Went to mat ward, they said it was nothing much. This continued for a day or 2. I couldn't sleep with worry so at 11pm on the Wednesday I asked them to see if a midwife could be brought across to calm me down. We had a chat and I said "I'd know if my waters broke ay?" and she said likely there would be a slight pop but maybe not. Flashback: 24 hours. Little pop. I'd gone into denial as I remembered the feeling from February when I had my DnC. I tried to block that was what it was then too, I didn't want to believe my pregnancy was ending. The midwife said that she'd talk to doc and he may want to do a speculum but only if it was really needed as they are really trying to leave my insides alone. She was back 5 minutes later with a wheelchair. The most caring man Peter, did a spec at 11.45pm. He sat at the end of my bed and said the most haunting thing: "Now, I'd ideally like Geoff to be here when I tell you this... but obviously you want to know what is happening and that would be cruel" I knew it... "You're waters have certainly broken and you are quite dilated and effaced. I see the membrane bulging." I was 23 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

Stupid cervix!!

I went along for my 20 week ultra sound on Sept 17... so excited as we had decided to find out the sex of bub. I got through the 12 week scan perfectly this time round so what was there to worry about! The sonographer did her thing and about 5 mins later said she may do an internal scan after as well. She made it sound routine so I didn't really give it a second thought as she made her way around the bub telling us everything we needed to know. The scan was superb, or Geoff and I have gotten really good at reading them, not sure. I was elated. Then we found out it was a boy... even more good news, a pigeon pair sounded ideal. Next she brought back the internal scan idea. I was just going with it but Geoff was suspect. "Is there something wrong? Why are you doing this?" and she advised she was not getting clear measurements of the cervix. Fair enough. She advised us to wait in the waiting room while the obstetrician had a look at the measurements. It took about 15 minutes and all I could think of was "What is it with stupid scans? I am supposed to love them and now I get another one that stresss me out!" The obs came along and we were advised that my cervix was short and this generally meant I would be unlikely to make it to term, a nurse would take me through to the emergency dept. "WTF?????" Geoff and I just sat dazed as we waited in emergency hypothesising what I could possibly need to be here for. We have no family in Australia and came up with the scenario that I would be made to stay in hospital. "You'll have to live with my Mum for 3 months, she'll have to come over" "No, She couldn't do that, We'll have to send Brooklyn to her" and were interupted by someone taking us to the mat ward. I can't remember what I was thinking... it was just too unclear. A doc told us that I had 1.3cm of cervix compared to most which are over 3cm. I was also 3mm dilated but I had had a baby before so that part meant nothing much. The short cervix was an indicator but not a guarantee that I would have a prem baby. We left feeling pretty good and I was told to come back to see the Obs on Mon to discuss The Plan. Mum and Dad arrived for a holiday on Sunday and I went off to the obs alone. I would have to change to the Tertiary care hospital, I was told. They would do a management plan there. It may involve stitching me up. And this next bit: warning, not suitable for emotional people... the FEMALE obs tells me "The best thing would be if you went into labour in the next week so then it's a miscarriage. A baby between 24 and 28 weeks would just have so many issues, it would be too hard" Yes. That is pretty much verbatim. Nice work doc. I went home in a daze... Mum could see I looked a bit odd and asked if I was ok. I couldn't tell her the full story so I played it down and just said that I would probably not make it to 40 weeks. Then I cried some more