Now that I am reclaiming myself and daring to venture out of our house a bit more, I have encountered a hurdle. I haven't intentionally been avoiding this hurdle, I just hadn't thought of it:
People.
New people.
New people not connected to the hospital world
New people, not connected to the hospital world, who ask Nico's history
New people, not connected to the hospital world, who ask Nico's history, look at his gorgeous face and say "But he is doing ok, isn't he?" or worse the statement "He will be fine!"
What do I answer?
Do I lie : "Yeah, he is great, he just needs some time and he will catch up"
Do I tell the truth: "No, actually he is not. He may very well never walk, talk, go to regular school or do anything remotely close to every regular parents hope and dreams for a child.We will never know until he does it"
I dont know which.
People.
New people.
New people not connected to the hospital world
New people, not connected to the hospital world, who ask Nico's history
New people, not connected to the hospital world, who ask Nico's history, look at his gorgeous face and say "But he is doing ok, isn't he?" or worse the statement "He will be fine!"
What do I answer?
Do I lie : "Yeah, he is great, he just needs some time and he will catch up"
Do I tell the truth: "No, actually he is not. He may very well never walk, talk, go to regular school or do anything remotely close to every regular parents hope and dreams for a child.We will never know until he does it"
I dont know which.
If I lie, I feel like I am in denial or worse: that I care what the person thinks and would be embarrassed in some way. The truth with this lie is, it is censorship... it is just easier that way for both of us, but inside I feel ill about it.
If I tell it like it is, then I sound like a sad sack / sympathy seeker and would pretty much kill the rest of the conversation.
I am going with a vague "Oh look, he has issues but we will get there" which is all very lovely but if someone said it to me and I was genuinely interested, I'd take as being evasive and sounds like a request to change the subject.
How do you answer difficult questions... no let me rephrase that... what do you do when the answer is difficult? Do you censor yourself?
I think it depends on who's asking. If it's a complete stranger then probably there is no need to tell them any details. But if it's a friend, or a work colleague, or basically anyone I see on a regular basis, I generally tell the truth. No matter how paiful the truth is.
ReplyDeleteI guess it depends on your comfort level with talking about it with different people, but I know that I would like to know the truth, mostly so that I could offer my support, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.
This is such a difficult thing Kazz. Speaking from the perspective of someone with depression/anxiety, I have don't think I've ever been fully honest with anyone except a doctor. With everyone else there is some level of censorship. I judge the level of censorship by giving them a little bit and seeing how they go. Some people can handle a lot of info (you!), but some can handle none. It's hard though because I never think i'll ever be able to really communicate what's in my head without scaring people. And the only reason I don't explain more is so I don't scare people that I care about. And also with other people it's just because I can't be bothered going into it when I know they won't really care or understand. If we end up becoming friends we can discuss more in depth later.
ReplyDeleteFirstly- hi, I'm now stalking you after meeting you on Saturday night and deciding I quite liked you xo
ReplyDeleteSecondly- I have a genetic degenerative connective tissue disorder which dictates my life to a larger extent thann I would like and has largely unknown extents for my life. People don't like to think of young people having things that aren't going away. My response to people largely depends on my energy and whether I think I care what the person I'm talking to thinks. If I don't care and I'm over it, they get a very condensed version and an "i'll be fine" if I connect with the person and have the inclination, they get the warts and all, which as you can say, can come across very sad sack etc.
I say go with the flow and don't feel guilty, if they really want to know they'll ask again and maybe that time you'll feel like sharing the load.
Love ya xo
Kelly