This week was a fairly quiet one on the Nico front, bar one episode... the most important thing of the week is that we have definately mastered feeding. As long as he is not asleep or too agitated (by either his hernia or reflux... who knows), we have no problem getting him to feed at all. He is so content feeding, I still get a natural high just watching him and his monitors.
He is spending so much more time awake now. It is a bit of a double edged sword. I love that he is so awake and alert... he really studies your face and this surroundings. He loves to look at the activty bar stretched across his cot with its bright coloured toys, I can't wait until he actually purposefully reaches for them but I have no memory at what age this usually happens. I made a little video of him to share on Facebook. My parents haven't seen him since he was about 7 weeks old so it made their day to see him looking and acting like such a regular little newborn, just like he would have been this month had he not been born early... minus the prongs.
(Skip this paragraph if easily upset. I want this to remain in my head so have described it as vividly as possible from my POV)
On Friday... yes the same day as last week... he had another "dusky episode" in my arms. I had taken him out of his cot.. unfortunately when he was fast asleep (I only had an hour there as I had Brooklyn with me) His monitor was showing a "?" where it usually displays his saturations. This happens fairly often if it is calibrating or can't get a good trace so I just watched him. He was pretty upset, and I felt so bad for disturbing him. Then he stopped crying, Usually mothers breathe a sigh of relief but not me. He was grey. I am not a morbid person, and I hate to give horrible mental pictures but unfortunately the colour dragged my mind back 10 years to when I lost my grandfather and hadn't thought of it or seen it since. It was really eerie. Worse than the week before.. he was a purply blue then. This was just grey. He didn't go entirely motionless and he was still flicking glances at me albeit blankly.
Surprisingly, I didn't crack this time. I held him as two nurses prepared the Neopuff for resuss. They took him from me, put him in his cot, took off his prongs, pulled off his tapes and removed his feeding tube. He was given manual puffs of 100% oxygen about 15 times in the space of 1 minute and this pulled him back up. He was pushing on the nurses hand to get it off him. She had to hold it there giving the oxygen - but no breaths - for a further 10 minutes while they cut new tapes for his prongs and retubed him. Maybe if Brooklyn hadn't have been there, I would have freaked out more again but there is that invisible force that makes you a stronger person when your child is around. Like I don't scream at the sight of a spider if she is around. I avoid the room I saw it in, but I don't scream.
One great thing that happened this week though: Nico reached 3 kgs!! It took me by surprise as he was putting on about 150 grams every 2 days. Sometimes 180 grams. He is so much like a newborn now, it amazes me. I know it sounds logical... he was always going to grow and he WAS due 3 weeks ago but it still amazes me. I keep telling people how he is "like a real baby" and then I laugh at my stupidity... he isn't LIKE a real baby, he just IS one!
From Little Things... Big Things Grow
Monday, February 22, 2010
4 times birth weight in 4 months!
This week was a fairly quiet one on the Nico front, bar one episode... the most important thing of the week is that we have definately mastered feeding. As long as he is not asleep or too agitated (by either his hernia or reflux... who knows), we have no problem getting him to feed at all. He is so content feeding, I still get a natural high just watching him and his monitors.
He is spending so much more time awake now. It is a bit of a double edged sword. I love that he is so awake and alert... he really studies your face and this surroundings. He loves to look at the activty bar stretched across his cot with its bright coloured toys, I can't wait until he actually purposefully reaches for them but I have no memory at what age this usually happens. I made a little video of him to share on Facebook. My parents haven't seen him since he was about 7 weeks old so it made their day to see him looking and acting like such a regular little newborn, just like he would have been this month had he not been born early... minus the prongs.
(Skip this paragraph if easily upset. I want this to remain in my head so have described it as vividly as possible from my POV)
On Friday... yes the same day as last week... he had another "dusky episode" in my arms. I had taken him out of his cot.. unfortunately when he was fast asleep (I only had an hour there as I had Brooklyn with me) His monitor was showing a "?" where it usually displays his saturations. This happens fairly often if it is calibrating or can't get a good trace so I just watched him. He was pretty upset, and I felt so bad for disturbing him. Then he stopped crying, Usually mothers breathe a sigh of relief but not me. He was grey. I am not a morbid person, and I hate to give horrible mental pictures but unfortunately the colour dragged my mind back 10 years to when I lost my grandfather and hadn't thought of it or seen it since. It was really eerie. Worse than the week before.. he was a purply blue then. This was just grey. He didn't go entirely motionless and he was still flicking glances at me albeit blankly.
Surprisingly, I didn't crack this time. I held him as two nurses prepared the Neopuff for resuss. They took him from me, put him in his cot, took off his prongs, pulled off his tapes and removed his feeding tube. He was given manual puffs of 100% oxygen about 15 times in the space of 1 minute and this pulled him back up. He was pushing on the nurses hand to get it off him. She had to hold it there giving the oxygen - but no breaths - for a further 10 minutes while they cut new tapes for his prongs and retubed him. Maybe if Brooklyn hadn't have been there, I would have freaked out more again but there is that invisible force that makes you a stronger person when your child is around. Like I don't scream at the sight of a spider if she is around. I avoid the room I saw it in, but I don't scream.
One great thing that happened this week though: Nico reached 3 kgs!! It took me by surprise as he was putting on about 150 grams every 2 days. Sometimes 180 grams. He is so much like a newborn now, it amazes me. I know it sounds logical... he was always going to grow and he WAS due 3 weeks ago but it still amazes me. I keep telling people how he is "like a real baby" and then I laugh at my stupidity... he isn't LIKE a real baby, he just IS one!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The best feeling ever.. the worst feeling ever
As I mentioned, breastfeeding didn't go so great the entire first week. It didn't actually phase me because, well, it was Nico! If it had have been a "regular" newborn, I may have let it get to me but it's impossible for me to have any expectations with Nico... every day he gets through is more than enough for me.
The plan was for him to have one feed a day but if I didn't get the timing right it was impossible. I'd make sure to be able to stay for 2 feed times at a time, in case the first didn't work out. If those 2 feeds didn't work and it was early in the day, I would try to go back at night and try a 3rd time. It seemed not to matter what I did or how long I stayed or tried, he would either be too grumpy or he would fall asleep the instant he got to my arms.
Being put back onto IMV (ventilator) had me down so I decided to go to a group meeting at the hospital where you meet other NICU parents including ones who had 'graduated'. I was so looking forward to meeting some little premmies who had come through the other side. With Nico having made such slow progress and taking these backwards steps I needed a pep up Unfortunately Monday mornings are not a day I have anyone to care for Brooklyn and my husband was in bed with migraine so I couldn't even get him to rearrange his work schedule (he usually cares for her on Monday afternoon when I work and I was hoping he could extend this) so I had to take her. I managed to stay for 30 minutes before she had a tanty and we had to change scenery and visit Nico. I squeezed 20 minutes out of her there before I had to take her home.
One upside of having to take a day off work was I got to go back to the hospital that night and: SUCCESS!! He had just woken from a 3 hour nap and was wide awake... I got him all positioned and VOILA, he fed as if he done it a million times. Psychologically, it was the best possible feeling I could have ever hope for. He may as well have turned to me, opened his mouth and said "I will be ok, Mum, just give me some time" because that was the message I was getting. He sucked on and off for about 15 minutes and was wide away the whole time, just staring wide eyed. The nurse aspirated him afterward and got back 4mls so this was the proof we needed that he was doing everything right.
The next few days were hit and miss again... infact they were just miss except one more successful feed on Thursday... so much so that when the nurse topped him up... he possetted a fair bit back up as we had over filled him! Hurrah... further proof. He also weighed in at 2.6kg!!!
The doctors came around just as this was going on and asked me what I felt about how he was going. I told them quite honestly that I was worried about him still being on IMV ventilation as it seemed to unsettle him more and just because I felt it was a step back. Not because I said this, I am sure, but the doctor turned to the nurse and other doctors on the round and said "Let's put him back to CPAP" Yipee!!
Friday night, my second visit to the hospital for the day. I had a debate with the nurse for her all but telling me she was giving him a bottle and he was not breastfeeding. I am not anti bottle by any means, my daughter had a bottle once a day from 6 weeks old, but he had only had 2 successful feeds, I do not have issues with supply, I intend to feed him in the long run and I had not been expressing 4 hourly for 17 weeks to get him to confuse the poor wee man further by introducing a bottle to the mix so soon. I tried to subtly let her know that I didn't like the idea but ended up having to say quite strongly "No, I am not comfortable with him having a bottle at this stage" and I think we just agreed he would not have a suck feed today due to his grumpiness and up-and-down saturations.
I took him from his cot and gave him a bit of a cuddle, he had a bit of a grizzle, settled for a few minutes and then got more unsettled. I was watching his Sp02 (blood oxygen saturation) and it was slowly dropping to under 80%. I wait. No pick up. Under 70. Waiting, still no pick up. I look at his face, he is crying pretty hard but that's what babies do... I knew something was a bit wrong though. Under 60% looking at the nurse for my cues on when to start worrying. Under 50% "Come on Nico" I squeaked. He was still crying but going a funny colour. He was being given 100% oxygen through his prongs but it wasn't helping. He stopped crying. " I DON'T LIKE THIS!!" I said - maybe shouted - at the nurses as he got down to 40% then I noticed his heart rate... under 40bpm - usually it is 150bpm. I cracked, I burst into tears "Oh my god... now his heart's dropping too..." He was really pale and blue and had gone pretty still, though not like you would think he had gone or anything, I remember noticing he was stil moving his mouth around and probably his limbs a bit, I could not tell you. Anyway, I don't know what I was doing but I may have been screaming when I heard one nurse was telling his nurse to take him from me and get me out of the room for some air. I must've crossed paths with the doctor as I got lead out to a little room where I sat alone and just cried. After what could have been 3 hours but in reality was likely to have been 3-4 minutes, the nurse came in to tell me he was all fine and had come back after being given a few manual breaths through the ventilator.
I can honestly say, apart from the outcome not having been positive, I can not think of a worse situation to be in. Sitting with your baby in your arms as they struggle to stay...
But it WAS a positive outcome ultimately so we just have to focus on that. He was just as good as he had been before it happened. The next morning, he was better than he had been the whole day prior. I went in for most of the afternoon and we had the best feed of all. Again it was all about timing, he had had a good sleep, he was awake, he just latched on and that was that. I am still in awe that after 17 weeks of tube feeds, he just does it... I remember the same thought going throuh my head with Brooklyn who fed at 2 hours old. Seriously.. how do they know??? I think this was his way of telling me to cheer up and that he didn't mean to scare me.
The plan was for him to have one feed a day but if I didn't get the timing right it was impossible. I'd make sure to be able to stay for 2 feed times at a time, in case the first didn't work out. If those 2 feeds didn't work and it was early in the day, I would try to go back at night and try a 3rd time. It seemed not to matter what I did or how long I stayed or tried, he would either be too grumpy or he would fall asleep the instant he got to my arms.
Being put back onto IMV (ventilator) had me down so I decided to go to a group meeting at the hospital where you meet other NICU parents including ones who had 'graduated'. I was so looking forward to meeting some little premmies who had come through the other side. With Nico having made such slow progress and taking these backwards steps I needed a pep up Unfortunately Monday mornings are not a day I have anyone to care for Brooklyn and my husband was in bed with migraine so I couldn't even get him to rearrange his work schedule (he usually cares for her on Monday afternoon when I work and I was hoping he could extend this) so I had to take her. I managed to stay for 30 minutes before she had a tanty and we had to change scenery and visit Nico. I squeezed 20 minutes out of her there before I had to take her home.
One upside of having to take a day off work was I got to go back to the hospital that night and: SUCCESS!! He had just woken from a 3 hour nap and was wide awake... I got him all positioned and VOILA, he fed as if he done it a million times. Psychologically, it was the best possible feeling I could have ever hope for. He may as well have turned to me, opened his mouth and said "I will be ok, Mum, just give me some time" because that was the message I was getting. He sucked on and off for about 15 minutes and was wide away the whole time, just staring wide eyed. The nurse aspirated him afterward and got back 4mls so this was the proof we needed that he was doing everything right.
The next few days were hit and miss again... infact they were just miss except one more successful feed on Thursday... so much so that when the nurse topped him up... he possetted a fair bit back up as we had over filled him! Hurrah... further proof. He also weighed in at 2.6kg!!!
The doctors came around just as this was going on and asked me what I felt about how he was going. I told them quite honestly that I was worried about him still being on IMV ventilation as it seemed to unsettle him more and just because I felt it was a step back. Not because I said this, I am sure, but the doctor turned to the nurse and other doctors on the round and said "Let's put him back to CPAP" Yipee!!
Friday night, my second visit to the hospital for the day. I had a debate with the nurse for her all but telling me she was giving him a bottle and he was not breastfeeding. I am not anti bottle by any means, my daughter had a bottle once a day from 6 weeks old, but he had only had 2 successful feeds, I do not have issues with supply, I intend to feed him in the long run and I had not been expressing 4 hourly for 17 weeks to get him to confuse the poor wee man further by introducing a bottle to the mix so soon. I tried to subtly let her know that I didn't like the idea but ended up having to say quite strongly "No, I am not comfortable with him having a bottle at this stage" and I think we just agreed he would not have a suck feed today due to his grumpiness and up-and-down saturations.
I took him from his cot and gave him a bit of a cuddle, he had a bit of a grizzle, settled for a few minutes and then got more unsettled. I was watching his Sp02 (blood oxygen saturation) and it was slowly dropping to under 80%. I wait. No pick up. Under 70. Waiting, still no pick up. I look at his face, he is crying pretty hard but that's what babies do... I knew something was a bit wrong though. Under 60% looking at the nurse for my cues on when to start worrying. Under 50% "Come on Nico" I squeaked. He was still crying but going a funny colour. He was being given 100% oxygen through his prongs but it wasn't helping. He stopped crying. " I DON'T LIKE THIS!!" I said - maybe shouted - at the nurses as he got down to 40% then I noticed his heart rate... under 40bpm - usually it is 150bpm. I cracked, I burst into tears "Oh my god... now his heart's dropping too..." He was really pale and blue and had gone pretty still, though not like you would think he had gone or anything, I remember noticing he was stil moving his mouth around and probably his limbs a bit, I could not tell you. Anyway, I don't know what I was doing but I may have been screaming when I heard one nurse was telling his nurse to take him from me and get me out of the room for some air. I must've crossed paths with the doctor as I got lead out to a little room where I sat alone and just cried. After what could have been 3 hours but in reality was likely to have been 3-4 minutes, the nurse came in to tell me he was all fine and had come back after being given a few manual breaths through the ventilator.
I can honestly say, apart from the outcome not having been positive, I can not think of a worse situation to be in. Sitting with your baby in your arms as they struggle to stay...
But it WAS a positive outcome ultimately so we just have to focus on that. He was just as good as he had been before it happened. The next morning, he was better than he had been the whole day prior. I went in for most of the afternoon and we had the best feed of all. Again it was all about timing, he had had a good sleep, he was awake, he just latched on and that was that. I am still in awe that after 17 weeks of tube feeds, he just does it... I remember the same thought going throuh my head with Brooklyn who fed at 2 hours old. Seriously.. how do they know??? I think this was his way of telling me to cheer up and that he didn't mean to scare me.
The best feeling ever.. the worst feeling ever
As I mentioned, breastfeeding didn't go so great the entire first week. It didn't actually phase me because, well, it was Nico! If it had have been a "regular" newborn, I may have let it get to me but it's impossible for me to have any expectations with Nico... every day he gets through is more than enough for me.
The plan was for him to have one feed a day but if I didn't get the timing right it was impossible. I'd make sure to be able to stay for 2 feed times at a time, in case the first didn't work out. If those 2 feeds didn't work and it was early in the day, I would try to go back at night and try a 3rd time. It seemed not to matter what I did or how long I stayed or tried, he would either be too grumpy or he would fall asleep the instant he got to my arms.
Being put back onto IMV (ventilator) had me down so I decided to go to a group meeting at the hospital where you meet other NICU parents including ones who had 'graduated'. I was so looking forward to meeting some little premmies who had come through the other side. With Nico having made such slow progress and taking these backwards steps I needed a pep up Unfortunately Monday mornings are not a day I have anyone to care for Brooklyn and my husband was in bed with migraine so I couldn't even get him to rearrange his work schedule (he usually cares for her on Monday afternoon when I work and I was hoping he could extend this) so I had to take her. I managed to stay for 30 minutes before she had a tanty and we had to change scenery and visit Nico. I squeezed 20 minutes out of her there before I had to take her home.
One upside of having to take a day off work was I got to go back to the hospital that night and: SUCCESS!! He had just woken from a 3 hour nap and was wide awake... I got him all positioned and VOILA, he fed as if he done it a million times. Psychologically, it was the best possible feeling I could have ever hope for. He may as well have turned to me, opened his mouth and said "I will be ok, Mum, just give me some time" because that was the message I was getting. He sucked on and off for about 15 minutes and was wide away the whole time, just staring wide eyed. The nurse aspirated him afterward and got back 4mls so this was the proof we needed that he was doing everything right.
The next few days were hit and miss again... infact they were just miss except one more successful feed on Thursday... so much so that when the nurse topped him up... he possetted a fair bit back up as we had over filled him! Hurrah... further proof. He also weighed in at 2.6kg!!!
The doctors came around just as this was going on and asked me what I felt about how he was going. I told them quite honestly that I was worried about him still being on IMV ventilation as it seemed to unsettle him more and just because I felt it was a step back. Not because I said this, I am sure, but the doctor turned to the nurse and other doctors on the round and said "Let's put him back to CPAP" Yipee!!
Friday night, my second visit to the hospital for the day. I had a debate with the nurse for her all but telling me she was giving him a bottle and he was not breastfeeding. I am not anti bottle by any means, my daughter had a bottle once a day from 6 weeks old, but he had only had 2 successful feeds, I do not have issues with supply, I intend to feed him in the long run and I had not been expressing 4 hourly for 17 weeks to get him to confuse the poor wee man further by introducing a bottle to the mix so soon. I tried to subtly let her know that I didn't like the idea but ended up having to say quite strongly "No, I am not comfortable with him having a bottle at this stage" and I think we just agreed he would not have a suck feed today due to his grumpiness and up-and-down saturations.
I took him from his cot and gave him a bit of a cuddle, he had a bit of a grizzle, settled for a few minutes and then got more unsettled. I was watching his Sp02 (blood oxygen saturation) and it was slowly dropping to under 80%. I wait. No pick up. Under 70. Waiting, still no pick up. I look at his face, he is crying pretty hard but that's what babies do... I knew something was a bit wrong though. Under 60% looking at the nurse for my cues on when to start worrying. Under 50% "Come on Nico" I squeaked. He was still crying but going a funny colour. He was being given 100% oxygen through his prongs but it wasn't helping. He stopped crying. " I DON'T LIKE THIS!!" I said - maybe shouted - at the nurses as he got down to 40% then I noticed his heart rate... under 40bpm - usually it is 150bpm. I cracked, I burst into tears "Oh my god... now his heart's dropping too..." He was really pale and blue and had gone pretty still, though not like you would think he had gone or anything, I remember noticing he was stil moving his mouth around and probably his limbs a bit, I could not tell you. Anyway, I don't know what I was doing but I may have been screaming when I heard one nurse was telling his nurse to take him from me and get me out of the room for some air. I must've crossed paths with the doctor as I got lead out to a little room where I sat alone and just cried. After what could have been 3 hours but in reality was likely to have been 3-4 minutes, the nurse came in to tell me he was all fine and had come back after being given a few manual breaths through the ventilator.
I can honestly say, apart from the outcome not having been positive, I can not think of a worse situation to be in. Sitting with your baby in your arms as they struggle to stay...
But it WAS a positive outcome ultimately so we just have to focus on that. He was just as good as he had been before it happened. The next morning, he was better than he had been the whole day prior. I went in for most of the afternoon and we had the best feed of all. Again it was all about timing, he had had a good sleep, he was awake, he just latched on and that was that. I am still in awe that after 17 weeks of tube feeds, he just does it... I remember the same thought going throuh my head with Brooklyn who fed at 2 hours old. Seriously.. how do they know??? I think this was his way of telling me to cheer up and that he didn't mean to scare me.
The plan was for him to have one feed a day but if I didn't get the timing right it was impossible. I'd make sure to be able to stay for 2 feed times at a time, in case the first didn't work out. If those 2 feeds didn't work and it was early in the day, I would try to go back at night and try a 3rd time. It seemed not to matter what I did or how long I stayed or tried, he would either be too grumpy or he would fall asleep the instant he got to my arms.
Being put back onto IMV (ventilator) had me down so I decided to go to a group meeting at the hospital where you meet other NICU parents including ones who had 'graduated'. I was so looking forward to meeting some little premmies who had come through the other side. With Nico having made such slow progress and taking these backwards steps I needed a pep up Unfortunately Monday mornings are not a day I have anyone to care for Brooklyn and my husband was in bed with migraine so I couldn't even get him to rearrange his work schedule (he usually cares for her on Monday afternoon when I work and I was hoping he could extend this) so I had to take her. I managed to stay for 30 minutes before she had a tanty and we had to change scenery and visit Nico. I squeezed 20 minutes out of her there before I had to take her home.
One upside of having to take a day off work was I got to go back to the hospital that night and: SUCCESS!! He had just woken from a 3 hour nap and was wide awake... I got him all positioned and VOILA, he fed as if he done it a million times. Psychologically, it was the best possible feeling I could have ever hope for. He may as well have turned to me, opened his mouth and said "I will be ok, Mum, just give me some time" because that was the message I was getting. He sucked on and off for about 15 minutes and was wide away the whole time, just staring wide eyed. The nurse aspirated him afterward and got back 4mls so this was the proof we needed that he was doing everything right.
The next few days were hit and miss again... infact they were just miss except one more successful feed on Thursday... so much so that when the nurse topped him up... he possetted a fair bit back up as we had over filled him! Hurrah... further proof. He also weighed in at 2.6kg!!!
The doctors came around just as this was going on and asked me what I felt about how he was going. I told them quite honestly that I was worried about him still being on IMV ventilation as it seemed to unsettle him more and just because I felt it was a step back. Not because I said this, I am sure, but the doctor turned to the nurse and other doctors on the round and said "Let's put him back to CPAP" Yipee!!
Friday night, my second visit to the hospital for the day. I had a debate with the nurse for her all but telling me she was giving him a bottle and he was not breastfeeding. I am not anti bottle by any means, my daughter had a bottle once a day from 6 weeks old, but he had only had 2 successful feeds, I do not have issues with supply, I intend to feed him in the long run and I had not been expressing 4 hourly for 17 weeks to get him to confuse the poor wee man further by introducing a bottle to the mix so soon. I tried to subtly let her know that I didn't like the idea but ended up having to say quite strongly "No, I am not comfortable with him having a bottle at this stage" and I think we just agreed he would not have a suck feed today due to his grumpiness and up-and-down saturations.
I took him from his cot and gave him a bit of a cuddle, he had a bit of a grizzle, settled for a few minutes and then got more unsettled. I was watching his Sp02 (blood oxygen saturation) and it was slowly dropping to under 80%. I wait. No pick up. Under 70. Waiting, still no pick up. I look at his face, he is crying pretty hard but that's what babies do... I knew something was a bit wrong though. Under 60% looking at the nurse for my cues on when to start worrying. Under 50% "Come on Nico" I squeaked. He was still crying but going a funny colour. He was being given 100% oxygen through his prongs but it wasn't helping. He stopped crying. " I DON'T LIKE THIS!!" I said - maybe shouted - at the nurses as he got down to 40% then I noticed his heart rate... under 40bpm - usually it is 150bpm. I cracked, I burst into tears "Oh my god... now his heart's dropping too..." He was really pale and blue and had gone pretty still, though not like you would think he had gone or anything, I remember noticing he was stil moving his mouth around and probably his limbs a bit, I could not tell you. Anyway, I don't know what I was doing but I may have been screaming when I heard one nurse was telling his nurse to take him from me and get me out of the room for some air. I must've crossed paths with the doctor as I got lead out to a little room where I sat alone and just cried. After what could have been 3 hours but in reality was likely to have been 3-4 minutes, the nurse came in to tell me he was all fine and had come back after being given a few manual breaths through the ventilator.
I can honestly say, apart from the outcome not having been positive, I can not think of a worse situation to be in. Sitting with your baby in your arms as they struggle to stay...
But it WAS a positive outcome ultimately so we just have to focus on that. He was just as good as he had been before it happened. The next morning, he was better than he had been the whole day prior. I went in for most of the afternoon and we had the best feed of all. Again it was all about timing, he had had a good sleep, he was awake, he just latched on and that was that. I am still in awe that after 17 weeks of tube feeds, he just does it... I remember the same thought going throuh my head with Brooklyn who fed at 2 hours old. Seriously.. how do they know??? I think this was his way of telling me to cheer up and that he didn't mean to scare me.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
3 steps forward... 2 back
The move to CPAP was fab news, but we were in store for several other great pieces of news around his due date.
The OJ tube had been replaced with an OG tube. Instead of bypassing his stomach and feeding him continuously, he was on hourly feeds to his stomach. Bypassing his stomach was done to minimise his reflux in order to minimise any pain/ discomfort. Now they were hoping to find that the reflux had improved or he was better at handling it... I am not sure which but it was a good step forward in any case.
On his actual due date, on a regular 7.30am call to the hospital the nurse casually mentions that when I come in, I can give breastfeeding a try once a day! This was huge. Almost bigger than the change in ventilation. I was so excited... then reality hit and I remember that I was working that afternoon and had planned to take Brooklyn to the hospital with me in the morning. How could I feed him with Brooklyn there?? Of my Mothers Group friends, 2 have gymbaroo on Monday morning, 3 work, 2 had just given birth, and 2 are pregnant so didn't want to ask them. I had two other people I could call on who weren't as close by but not overly out of the way either. I sent one a text, then called my husband to find out what time he'd get to the hospital that day. He was going to be there soon so I packed Brooklyn into the car and figured if I could get 20 minutes at the hospital with husband holding Brooklyn, that should be all we need. Just before we got to the freeway, I got a text back from Fab Friend saying of course she would take Brooklyn... I changed route and headed to her place. Felt terrible as I hadn't packed a single thing for Brookie to eat/ drink since it was just going to be a quick hospital visit...
Behind a privacy screen, my litle man with all his ventilator tubes and prongs had his first attempt at feeding. It didn't really work but I didn't care at all, it was good enough just knowing we were able to try. If it takes weeks and weeks, so be it. We know he can suck, he loves his dummy, but this was still a foreign concept to him. We didn't push him too hard, I think maybe 10 minutes on and off before making it just a cuddle instead. I think if Nico had have been a regular newborn, I would have been frustrated and/or disappointed but I was still elated, regardless of the outcome.
I have tried every day the last 5 days, sometimes going back late at night to give him extra practise. 90% of the time he has been so sleepy that there has really not been much point, and when he is awake, he is still not really even attepting to latch on. I can tell that like everything when it comes to Nico, he will take his own sweet time and get there eventually.
2 days after his due date, a friend was with me during one of my late night visits for a 2nd attempt, we witnessed two babies come in within 2 minutes of each other. So close we thought they were twins until we saw that one looked term and the other was a micro prem. It was a busy night. I don't tlike to sound happy about it, I hate new babies coming in as it means another family going through this horrible journey, but this was the best thing for Nico because the next morning we got a call:
"We are moving Nico to Bay 5"
It wasn't that Nico had neccesarily been doing so well they wanted to move him, it was more that he was the best of the Bay 8 bunch and they needed his bed space. Either way, after 16.5 weeks of looking at the same walls, I was glad for the change. Bay 5 is a bit more cramped, but with 6 babies instead of 8 and because the babies are in better condition, they have less equipment and therefore the room is soooooooooo much quieter. I love it.
Yesterday we got the "2 steps back" news. Nico has been put back on ventilation, has lost litle weight and may have another infection... I find out today. I had a bit of a cry about it yesterday, not because it is awful news, we have been there before and it's not a big deal, but after all the fab news of the week, I just got comfortable and forgot that this IS a rollercoaster still and we just have to ride along.
The OJ tube had been replaced with an OG tube. Instead of bypassing his stomach and feeding him continuously, he was on hourly feeds to his stomach. Bypassing his stomach was done to minimise his reflux in order to minimise any pain/ discomfort. Now they were hoping to find that the reflux had improved or he was better at handling it... I am not sure which but it was a good step forward in any case.
On his actual due date, on a regular 7.30am call to the hospital the nurse casually mentions that when I come in, I can give breastfeeding a try once a day! This was huge. Almost bigger than the change in ventilation. I was so excited... then reality hit and I remember that I was working that afternoon and had planned to take Brooklyn to the hospital with me in the morning. How could I feed him with Brooklyn there?? Of my Mothers Group friends, 2 have gymbaroo on Monday morning, 3 work, 2 had just given birth, and 2 are pregnant so didn't want to ask them. I had two other people I could call on who weren't as close by but not overly out of the way either. I sent one a text, then called my husband to find out what time he'd get to the hospital that day. He was going to be there soon so I packed Brooklyn into the car and figured if I could get 20 minutes at the hospital with husband holding Brooklyn, that should be all we need. Just before we got to the freeway, I got a text back from Fab Friend saying of course she would take Brooklyn... I changed route and headed to her place. Felt terrible as I hadn't packed a single thing for Brookie to eat/ drink since it was just going to be a quick hospital visit...
Behind a privacy screen, my litle man with all his ventilator tubes and prongs had his first attempt at feeding. It didn't really work but I didn't care at all, it was good enough just knowing we were able to try. If it takes weeks and weeks, so be it. We know he can suck, he loves his dummy, but this was still a foreign concept to him. We didn't push him too hard, I think maybe 10 minutes on and off before making it just a cuddle instead. I think if Nico had have been a regular newborn, I would have been frustrated and/or disappointed but I was still elated, regardless of the outcome.
I have tried every day the last 5 days, sometimes going back late at night to give him extra practise. 90% of the time he has been so sleepy that there has really not been much point, and when he is awake, he is still not really even attepting to latch on. I can tell that like everything when it comes to Nico, he will take his own sweet time and get there eventually.
2 days after his due date, a friend was with me during one of my late night visits for a 2nd attempt, we witnessed two babies come in within 2 minutes of each other. So close we thought they were twins until we saw that one looked term and the other was a micro prem. It was a busy night. I don't tlike to sound happy about it, I hate new babies coming in as it means another family going through this horrible journey, but this was the best thing for Nico because the next morning we got a call:
"We are moving Nico to Bay 5"
It wasn't that Nico had neccesarily been doing so well they wanted to move him, it was more that he was the best of the Bay 8 bunch and they needed his bed space. Either way, after 16.5 weeks of looking at the same walls, I was glad for the change. Bay 5 is a bit more cramped, but with 6 babies instead of 8 and because the babies are in better condition, they have less equipment and therefore the room is soooooooooo much quieter. I love it.
Yesterday we got the "2 steps back" news. Nico has been put back on ventilation, has lost litle weight and may have another infection... I find out today. I had a bit of a cry about it yesterday, not because it is awful news, we have been there before and it's not a big deal, but after all the fab news of the week, I just got comfortable and forgot that this IS a rollercoaster still and we just have to ride along.
3 steps forward... 2 back
The move to CPAP was fab news, but we were in store for several other great pieces of news around his due date.
The OJ tube had been replaced with an OG tube. Instead of bypassing his stomach and feeding him continuously, he was on hourly feeds to his stomach. Bypassing his stomach was done to minimise his reflux in order to minimise any pain/ discomfort. Now they were hoping to find that the reflux had improved or he was better at handling it... I am not sure which but it was a good step forward in any case.
On his actual due date, on a regular 7.30am call to the hospital the nurse casually mentions that when I come in, I can give breastfeeding a try once a day! This was huge. Almost bigger than the change in ventilation. I was so excited... then reality hit and I remember that I was working that afternoon and had planned to take Brooklyn to the hospital with me in the morning. How could I feed him with Brooklyn there?? Of my Mothers Group friends, 2 have gymbaroo on Monday morning, 3 work, 2 had just given birth, and 2 are pregnant so didn't want to ask them. I had two other people I could call on who weren't as close by but not overly out of the way either. I sent one a text, then called my husband to find out what time he'd get to the hospital that day. He was going to be there soon so I packed Brooklyn into the car and figured if I could get 20 minutes at the hospital with husband holding Brooklyn, that should be all we need. Just before we got to the freeway, I got a text back from Fab Friend saying of course she would take Brooklyn... I changed route and headed to her place. Felt terrible as I hadn't packed a single thing for Brookie to eat/ drink since it was just going to be a quick hospital visit...
Behind a privacy screen, my litle man with all his ventilator tubes and prongs had his first attempt at feeding. It didn't really work but I didn't care at all, it was good enough just knowing we were able to try. If it takes weeks and weeks, so be it. We know he can suck, he loves his dummy, but this was still a foreign concept to him. We didn't push him too hard, I think maybe 10 minutes on and off before making it just a cuddle instead. I think if Nico had have been a regular newborn, I would have been frustrated and/or disappointed but I was still elated, regardless of the outcome.
I have tried every day the last 5 days, sometimes going back late at night to give him extra practise. 90% of the time he has been so sleepy that there has really not been much point, and when he is awake, he is still not really even attepting to latch on. I can tell that like everything when it comes to Nico, he will take his own sweet time and get there eventually.
2 days after his due date, a friend was with me during one of my late night visits for a 2nd attempt, we witnessed two babies come in within 2 minutes of each other. So close we thought they were twins until we saw that one looked term and the other was a micro prem. It was a busy night. I don't tlike to sound happy about it, I hate new babies coming in as it means another family going through this horrible journey, but this was the best thing for Nico because the next morning we got a call:
"We are moving Nico to Bay 5"
It wasn't that Nico had neccesarily been doing so well they wanted to move him, it was more that he was the best of the Bay 8 bunch and they needed his bed space. Either way, after 16.5 weeks of looking at the same walls, I was glad for the change. Bay 5 is a bit more cramped, but with 6 babies instead of 8 and because the babies are in better condition, they have less equipment and therefore the room is soooooooooo much quieter. I love it.
Yesterday we got the "2 steps back" news. Nico has been put back on ventilation, has lost litle weight and may have another infection... I find out today. I had a bit of a cry about it yesterday, not because it is awful news, we have been there before and it's not a big deal, but after all the fab news of the week, I just got comfortable and forgot that this IS a rollercoaster still and we just have to ride along.
The OJ tube had been replaced with an OG tube. Instead of bypassing his stomach and feeding him continuously, he was on hourly feeds to his stomach. Bypassing his stomach was done to minimise his reflux in order to minimise any pain/ discomfort. Now they were hoping to find that the reflux had improved or he was better at handling it... I am not sure which but it was a good step forward in any case.
On his actual due date, on a regular 7.30am call to the hospital the nurse casually mentions that when I come in, I can give breastfeeding a try once a day! This was huge. Almost bigger than the change in ventilation. I was so excited... then reality hit and I remember that I was working that afternoon and had planned to take Brooklyn to the hospital with me in the morning. How could I feed him with Brooklyn there?? Of my Mothers Group friends, 2 have gymbaroo on Monday morning, 3 work, 2 had just given birth, and 2 are pregnant so didn't want to ask them. I had two other people I could call on who weren't as close by but not overly out of the way either. I sent one a text, then called my husband to find out what time he'd get to the hospital that day. He was going to be there soon so I packed Brooklyn into the car and figured if I could get 20 minutes at the hospital with husband holding Brooklyn, that should be all we need. Just before we got to the freeway, I got a text back from Fab Friend saying of course she would take Brooklyn... I changed route and headed to her place. Felt terrible as I hadn't packed a single thing for Brookie to eat/ drink since it was just going to be a quick hospital visit...
Behind a privacy screen, my litle man with all his ventilator tubes and prongs had his first attempt at feeding. It didn't really work but I didn't care at all, it was good enough just knowing we were able to try. If it takes weeks and weeks, so be it. We know he can suck, he loves his dummy, but this was still a foreign concept to him. We didn't push him too hard, I think maybe 10 minutes on and off before making it just a cuddle instead. I think if Nico had have been a regular newborn, I would have been frustrated and/or disappointed but I was still elated, regardless of the outcome.
I have tried every day the last 5 days, sometimes going back late at night to give him extra practise. 90% of the time he has been so sleepy that there has really not been much point, and when he is awake, he is still not really even attepting to latch on. I can tell that like everything when it comes to Nico, he will take his own sweet time and get there eventually.
2 days after his due date, a friend was with me during one of my late night visits for a 2nd attempt, we witnessed two babies come in within 2 minutes of each other. So close we thought they were twins until we saw that one looked term and the other was a micro prem. It was a busy night. I don't tlike to sound happy about it, I hate new babies coming in as it means another family going through this horrible journey, but this was the best thing for Nico because the next morning we got a call:
"We are moving Nico to Bay 5"
It wasn't that Nico had neccesarily been doing so well they wanted to move him, it was more that he was the best of the Bay 8 bunch and they needed his bed space. Either way, after 16.5 weeks of looking at the same walls, I was glad for the change. Bay 5 is a bit more cramped, but with 6 babies instead of 8 and because the babies are in better condition, they have less equipment and therefore the room is soooooooooo much quieter. I love it.
Yesterday we got the "2 steps back" news. Nico has been put back on ventilation, has lost litle weight and may have another infection... I find out today. I had a bit of a cry about it yesterday, not because it is awful news, we have been there before and it's not a big deal, but after all the fab news of the week, I just got comfortable and forgot that this IS a rollercoaster still and we just have to ride along.
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