Grateful...

Linking in to Maxabella's "I'm grateful for.." I had to have a little think and decided that this week I am grateful for

• Online tutorials! (especially http://www.makincuteblogs.com/ )

I decided it was time to make my blog look a bit more ... ME! So on the evenings my husband works, in .. and in between the Little Man waking... I got online and found myself some tutorials and VOILA! It is heading in the direction I want. It is not perfect yet and sometimes I save changes I don't quite like so you may find a completely different look next time you pop over for a nosey.

• My husband

Mushy, make-you-wanna-gag stuff, I know. But as much as we bicker due to the constant lack of sleep and stress of Nico's condition, I have to remind myself I am grateful for everything he does for us/ me. He keeps the house ten times tidier than I ever could - and even though he gets mad that I don't wipe the sink down of every drop, I am grateful for his meticulousness (so much so that I even use words that don't exsist, see!)

That is all for this week, I need to keep some things in reserve if I am going to start this weekly thing.

Princess Brooklyn: 3 years old.

Dear Princess Brooklyn,

You are three today. I am not sure if you knew this when you woke up this morning as we had your birthday party yesterday so today was a bit of a nothing day. You already got your presents, had your party and blew out your candles so let's face it, you are three, someone says "birthday", you hear "party/ cake / presents". Today you, Nico and I just went out for lunch at our little cafe in Beaconsfield where you had fairy bread, a cupcake and a babycino... all your favourites.

I am a terrible mother, I confess. I didn't even tink about this party until just last week. I was just going to have your playgroup friends over during the week but your dad was sad about missing out on the action so I called work, got leave approved and got on Facebook to see who could come! You had Holly, Ayla, Steph, Millar, Riley, Ryder, Kam, Maxx and Blake. You all played so nicely and had a little picnic on the floor with fairy bread and "hot dogs" (mini frankfurters). The Fairies cake had your 3 candles on it and you blew them out properly for the first time.

Nana and Grandad got you your bike 2 weeks ago but we haven't openend it yet... you know it is a bike. You went shopping for it with them when they were here. We were going to go and see if we could get a parent handle, now I am not too sure, maybe it is better without one. We had a quick Sype with them tonight.

Our neighbours Chris and Dennis are your psuedo grandparents. They haven't looked after you or anything but they always come and see how we are doing, and give you presents for Christmas and birthdays. This year they are away for the weekend so you got your present early. It was a beautiful fairy ballerina dress and the minute you saw it your face lit up and you told me you were wearing it to your party. I had to hide it in your wardrobe after you'd worn it for a day and half or it would have been destroyed before the party even started.

You are Little Miss Independent now. When you come to wake me up (usually right on 7am, with a few 6.30s in there too) you have generally taken off your nappy and dressed yourself for the day. Some mornings you let Nico wake me up and I find you in the playroom with the TV on Nick Jr, playing quietly. I love that, as much as it scares me. When did you get so grown up??

This month you have discovered that when we said "Pencils/ crayons/ felts are only for paper", well... we were not entirely telling the truth. They work elsewhere too you have found. The couch. The coffee table. Cups. The fridge (No Geoff,  I didn't mean to write that, she would never scrawl on the fridge. Especially not with an extra large jumbo giant red permanent marker.)

At night, you insist on reading to me and it is a struggle to get you to let me read. You know some of your stories so well it is frightening. You know Bamboozled almost word for word  and it makes me laugh to hear you reciting phrases like "it niggled at the back of my mind" on the exact right page.

I hope you will be starting a dance class in the next little while. I am just finalising some care for Nico and then I will get it sorted. it will be easier if it is just you and me.

You are the best 3 year old I know. I couldn't ask for a more thoughful, cheeky and easy child. I wouldn't change one thing about you except maybe the tantrums you have once every day or two

Hey Brooklyn, guess what? I love you

Mama



Memorable things from your mouth this month

 - "Where is my mum's husband gone?"

 - You "Mama... I want something that is round and shaped like a triangle"
 Me "um... ok??"
 You "And its like cheese."
 (You wanted a cheese wedge)

 - "Hmmmmm. Now lets see. How do I put this on there? I beda read the infections."

To My Miracle - 16 months

Little Man,

You are still so little, so helpless, so adorable. I look at you every day and wonder what goes on in that little head of yours. I am sure there is plenty, but it would be great to know what.

You have developed a severe hate relationship with your bed the last few weeks (it used to be just staying asleep you despised.) As soon as we enter your room, you scream, no matter what mood you were in before. If I don't put you in bed straight away, you calm down. I can feed you in there, change you and all that but the second we stand and head toward the cot, you start again. Its awful but at the same time I am pleased. That sounds crazy, I know it does. What kind of mad mother would be glad their child had a tantrum upon the sight of their own cot. The kind of mother who, when tantrum starts thinks "Yesssssss, that is blatant proof that there are plenty of connections happening in his brain ... he is associating room with cot with sleep/being alone. He is thinking. Physically he can't show us much, but inside, there is a lot going on"

Having your grandparents here last week was the best week you have had. We put it down to the fact that you just have to have something going on. You get bored easily and this is understandable. The more people around for you to interact with or observe, the better. They love you to pieces, which is no great surprise but with all the challenges you have given us, I am sure they were wondering what they were going to walk into. Well, what they walked into was a Nico FULL of smiles. Every time they caught your eyes you grinned a funny closed mouth grin I hadn't really seen before, followed by your giant, wide open smile, showing off your rabbit teeth. (2 at the bottom, 3 at the top) They looked after you every morning and sent me back to bed to catch up on sleep. Nanna fed you weetbix and Grandad pulled funny faces at you.

This month, just before Nanna and Grandad arrived, you had a tube put through your tum into your stomach. It's a good 75mm across at a guess. You had a terrible time recovering the first week and stayed in hospital longer than the anticipated 2 nights. I felt sick to my stomach, wondering what on earth I had signed those stupid consent papers for. Now, 2 weeks later, you are amazing. I still feel terrible that we had to go to such lengths to get you fed and growing, but I would do anything for you and unfortunately this was one of those not-so-fun anythings. So if you are 15 and reading this, I am sure I have already told you about the scar near your diaphragm... but if not, that's what it was all about.

Love everything about you (except perhaps the lack of sleep is lower on the love scale)

Mama.

PS: Drinking, oh my, the drinking. You are becoming a champion, slowly but surely. Since September / October, you have been averaging 20 ml per feed orally. And when I say averaging, that is only because once a day there was sometimes a 70 ml feed. The others were all 5-10 ml if we could cajoul you at all. In the last 10 days, since recoving from the PEG insertion, you have 3 times drunk 180ml+, and averaging 120ml.

To My Miracle - 16 months

Little Man,

You are still so little, so helpless, so adorable. I look at you every day and wonder what goes on in that little head of yours. I am sure there is plenty, but it would be great to know what.

You have developed a severe hate relationship with your bed the last few weeks (it used to be just staying asleep you despised.) As soon as we enter your room, you scream, no matter what mood you were in before. If I don't put you in bed straight away, you calm down. I can feed you in there, change you and all that but the second we stand and head toward the cot, you start again. Its awful but at the same time I am pleased. That sounds crazy, I know it does. What kind of mad mother would be glad their child had a tantrum upon the sight of their own cot. The kind of mother who, when tantrum starts thinks "Yesssssss, that is blatant proof that there are plenty of connections happening in his brain ... he is associating room with cot with sleep/being alone. He is thinking. Physically he can't show us much, but inside, there is a lot going on"

Having your grandparents here last week was the best week you have had. We put it down to the fact that you just have to have something going on. You get bored easily and this is understandable. The more people around for you to interact with or observe, the better. They love you to pieces, which is no great surprise but with all the challenges you have given us, I am sure they were wondering what they were going to walk into. Well, what they walked into was a Nico FULL of smiles. Every time they caught your eyes you grinned a funny closed mouth grin I hadn't really seen before, followed by your giant, wide open smile, showing off your rabbit teeth. (2 at the bottom, 3 at the top) They looked after you every morning and sent me back to bed to catch up on sleep. Nanna fed you weetbix and Grandad pulled funny faces at you.

This month, just before Nanna and Grandad arrived, you had a tube put through your tum into your stomach. It's a good 75mm across at a guess. You had a terrible time recovering the first week and stayed in hospital longer than the anticipated 2 nights. I felt sick to my stomach, wondering what on earth I had signed those stupid consent papers for. Now, 2 weeks later, you are amazing. I still feel terrible that we had to go to such lengths to get you fed and growing, but I would do anything for you and unfortunately this was one of those not-so-fun anythings. So if you are 15 and reading this, I am sure I have already told you about the scar near your diaphragm... but if not, that's what it was all about.

Love everything about you (except perhaps the lack of sleep is lower on the love scale)

Mama.

PS: Drinking, oh my, the drinking. You are becoming a champion, slowly but surely. Since September / October, you have been averaging 20 ml per feed orally. And when I say averaging, that is only because once a day there was sometimes a 70 ml feed. The others were all 5-10 ml if we could cajoul you at all. In the last 10 days, since recoving from the PEG insertion, you have 3 times drunk 180ml+, and averaging 120ml.

Visitors

Dear Brooklyn,

Nanna and Grandad arrived arrived last night. You picked them up from the airport with Dad and there was no shyness about seeing them at all.. even if it is only the 2nd time in a year (in real life, we skype all the time) you ran up and hugged them straight away.
It is an hours drive to our place from the airport and by the time you got back here, Grandad had already given you a nickname: Turbo Tonsils. Your mouth didn't stop the whole time. In fact, it still hasn't... except when you are alseep.
Today you were helping Nanna with house work and had a spray bottle of water which you believed was Spray N Wipe. Leaving Nanna in the laundry you told her you were off to do housework in the playroom. A minute or two later, Nanna must have had visions of you spraying all sorts of things, couch, walls, your brother...
I overheard her calling out "Brooklyn, just plastic stuff ay?"
Your reply? "Don't you worry about me, I am just in here, you are in the laundry" or something to that effect. Basically, it sounded like you were telling her to just focus on her own job and mind her own business. I laughed out loud.
They are also amused with your constant modesty
"You look pretty" gets the answer of "Yeah. Thanks"
"That's a great tower Brooklyn" gets "Yep, that's because I am a great builder"

I might have to see if one of them will do a guess blog here for you. I am sure they will have plenty of hilarious stories for you.