The Home Stretch

Nico was scheduled for a hernia repair on Wednesday 12/5/10. His 7 month birthday. He was to be transported by ambulance back to Monash but no-one knew exactly when or to which ward. The lovely team at Casey were on the phone most of Monday trying to get him a bed in the Paeds ward instead of Special care Nursery but to no avail. In fact, when I arrived there on Tuesday ready to ride the ambulance with him, I was told there were no beds anywhere and not to hold my breath for the move and even perhaps start processing the idea of him not having his operation the next day. No beds in Special Care, no beds in Paeds... we'd try again in the morning. When I visited later that night, they had word that he was moving at 10 am and going to the Paeds ward. This was great news, I'd still be able to take Brooklyn and he'd be in the same quiet atmosphere as he had been the last 3 weeks.

When I arrived in the morning, we were told the neonatologist had vetoed his move to the Paeds ward after looking at the room, It was a 4 bed ward room so he said "No Way" Although I did agree that nursery would be better than a 4 bed room in the kids ward, I was a bit diappointed he wasn't going to a single room. He had made such progess in regard to sleeping at night, I was dreading the bright, noisy nursery. He has really started smiling purposefully the last month or so and I think it is from all the great interaction he's been getting with us visiting so much more and the nurses doting on him. The nurses in Paeds would take him to the desk and to their tea room if I wasn't around and really give him lots of stimulation. SCN staff just aren't able to. On the other hand, there were a few people I was excited to see again and I did think it woud be nice to be back in familiar surroundings.

I was wrong. I felt immediately like we were walking back in time and like it was a big step backwards. Even though I knew it wasn't. It felt like Nico had become the "sick premmie" instead of "the baby waiting for his op". The time at Casey really made me comfortable with Nico being a regular baby who just needed some oxygen. It made me concious of not treating him like anything but a regular baby. back in NICU walls, the old feelings and fears got dragged back, just a little. He went off to theatre, I go to stay with him right until he was ready to go in, then went and had a bite to eat with a new friend whose little girl had been travelling a parallel journey to Nico and also looking at going home next week. The nurses asked what the plan was but in all honesty, I had no idea, so I just told them MY plan which was he was coming home next week. At handover to the next shift, this plan was passed on to the next nurses. I figured maybe if enough people were told MY plan, it would be done. We will see.

As soon as I woke up on the Thursday, I also remembered how difficult it was to visit with Brooklyn and I was dreading the long drive.Thankfully a friend offered to take Brooklyn and I made the trek to the hospital. I just kept repeating "One more week, it's only few more times" and then I realised I ought to check that the doctors signing discharge papers were somewhat in line with my plan. My insides danced when it turned ou they were on exactly the same page and intended to have him home by Wednesday. Oxygen would need to be delivered and I needed to be taught baby CPR. When I got home that afternoon there was a message on the answering machine from the oxygen company, they were coming the next day. When I got back to the hospital that night there was a note on Nico's crib telling me my training was at 1pm. Everything was set at our end. Just add baby!

This weekend has been the slowest I have ever felt time pass. I know it sounds ridiculous because we couldn't be any more ready to have our man home but at the same time, I have no concept of it. It doesn't feel real. Have you ever had a realistic dream, wake up with that feeling of excited anticipation which lingers and have to keep reminding yourself throughout the day that it was a dream? That's what I feel. Brooklyn is so excited to have her little brother home, she wakes up in the morning and says "Leeko home?" She has tantrums when we drive past the old hospital and don't go in "Leeko!!!!!!!! See Leeko in 'ere!!!!!!!!!" She didn't know that he had moved until today.

Today I watched Nico's little friend Michelle getting ready to go home and it did make me feel like we really were here. He was really coming home. 15 weeks after he was originally meant to, 31 weeks longer than I wish on any parent to have to wait for their baby.