Sleeping Over

As I wrote last week I had reservations about Nico moving to the Paeds ward... after 6 and a bit months in a nursery it was really strange, maybe even scary. I was not sure the nurses had the experience of dealing with these ex-micro prems or understand what he needed. Ask me today and I will tell you something different,. He is in the right place for his age (corrected at least) and development. The nurses AREN"T used to dealing with a micro prem, they are used to dealing with regular babies and children and Nico is now one of those. He just needs some extra monitoring. I need to get this into my head and they have done this without knowing. I don't have panic attacks when the monitor is turned off, unless he is left alone without it. I don't constantly feel like he is just going to stop. I feel like he is mine and I can do what I want with him, without permission from anyone and even without having to tell them that is what I am about to do. I am sure it sounds ridiculous but this is all new to me. "Can I feed him?" "Can I bath him" have become "Oh, I fed him an hour ago because he was hungry" and "We'll be in the bath if you are wondering where we are"
The only thing I do notice that I don't like is that nurses expect me/ us to be like any other sick child's parent as opposed to a long term NICU parent with other commitments, and want us there 24 hours a day virtually. Many seem to get exasperated, or at best suprised, when we leave and look at us like terrible, uncaring parents. I understand that Nico is there for 3 weeks to them. but overlook that we are now in the 7th month of his stay. It's just not feasible. Comments like "He has been unsettled since 8pm, we are busy and don't have time for this" and "You know you can stay here the night, there is a bed?" however they are meant, just come off as harsh.
I have spent every spare moment there though, it really has been great. Strangely enough, I have seen less of a few people I did when the hospital was further away because of this which I feel bad about but I know they understand. It's just been so nice to have him near and be able to comfortably spend hours on end in his room. I don't have to do 6am and 8pm visits anymore because I was only doing them to spend time with Brooklyn in the day but now Brooklyn can come and her friends can come to visit her there! It has freed up so many restrictions and made my life simpler in many ways, more full on in others.
I had my first sleep over with him on Monday last week. I was a wee bit scared at the idea for purely selfish reasons: How much sleep will I get??? I already have to function on 6 hours sleep (divided in two parts to express) and barely get by and I was expecting him to shorten this even more. I fed him at 11.00, he woke at 3 and when I snuck out to get home for Brooklyn at 7.30, he was still asleep. It was just like being at home but with cuddles and a squeaky sofabed. Surely this was a fluke? I tried again a few nights later: SAME THING. That's when I really started to feel ready for him to come home, he doesn't need hospitals and doctors and nurses and blood tests and and and... he just needs a watchful eye and a bit of oxygen.
i am cutting this short because it's 11pm, I just finished work, and am off to the hospital for my 3rd sleepover. I am staying there until heading to work at midday tomorrow. Such a luxury